Death to Creativity!

And other nonsensical writing things.

You may have seen my comments yesterday, or you may have just scrolled on through. Either way it's still bothering me. 

My book that is.

I am so frustratingly irritated with it. Kill Match was supposed to be my baby. The book that showed my growth as a writer from Red until now. That proves I can take the feedback I received, turn it into something spectacular and do this one right. It is original, character rich and plot driven. I like the events of the story. Hell, I even like the writing thus far of the story. But for whatever reason on this holy plot of writer's hell I'm in, I am having an excruciating moment of "stillness". 

Oh? You've never heard of this "stillness" phase I'm speaking of? Here, let me enlighten you.

Every time, every. freaking. time, I pick up Kill Match to continue writing I get this awful headache and lose any creativity I thought I might have stored up there to be able to finish this stupid thing. JUST TO FINISH IT. I'm not even trying to put well thought out words down anymore, I simply just want them to relate-able to the story. But when I try to push through this freeze of my brain, it fights me. It yells and kicks and screams that I just need to be still. Calm. And that I "just need to walk away for a moment". But that moment? Oh yeah, it lasts days. Then my brain and I have the same conversation again when I come back to it later. 

It's the freaking stillness. 

Now, I am a big believer in fate. Truly, all laughing matters aside. I think the best choices in life shouldn't be forced (I'm not saying not worked for, there's a HUGE difference) and I believe my brain, no matter how stupid and unnecessary I think it is, is trying to tell me something. So instead of being miserable and not writing at all because I am hating everything about the process, I have decided to move on.

For now.

Because in the wake of not being able to finish Kill Match no matter what I have done to the contrary, my imagination has given me a gem of a thought. A sparkle of a novel that after spending a couple hours yesterday I have completely plotted out. I've finished several plot worksheets, character bios, Q&A's on the novel and mocked up how the entire series will play out (not in complete detail). In a few hours on this one story I have done more pre-planning than every other story I've written combined before I've even starting the writing process on this (usually I start writing first, plan later).

Where I thought my "writer" was broken, I found that I was trying to force something it just didn't want to do. I'm not as ecstatic about this new novel yet but I really believe it'll be a good story with real potential and I'm looking forward to writing it. 

Here's my advice my dear beloved writers, if it's not working--bury it. 

OK, that's a little over dramatic. Maybe you don't need to bury it. But move on for a little while. I am planning to pick Kill Match back up at some point-- I love the story too much to let it rot, but I've come to the realization that regardless of my planned outcome of my published stories, my "writer" has a different path. And now I know I need to be open and ready for that. 

Sometimes you just have to know when to look for the window after you've bashed your head against the door for too long.

Ciao.

JB